Big red tomato

I've finally made a decision on what to wear to the wedding next Friday. This is after buying at least 8 dresses and changing my mind constantly over the last few weeks. So difficult. And made more difficult because Arty Girl, Canary and friends are all tiny weeny petite size zero things, and I'm currently the size of a small bungalow. Plus, Bald Bloke will be there and I really need to live down the maxi dress nipple exposing episode.

Anyway, this is the dress. I finally got up my nerve to try it on after a week's diet consisting solely of salad, vodka and cigarettes (and copious vitamin/mineral supplements - important to be healthy) . Even so, it needed the combined efforts of AG and Canary to get the zip up, and I can barely breathe or move. God knows how I'm going to get into the taxi to get there. What I really need is one of those disabled vans that is super tall, or a pope-mobile type arrangement, then I won't need to sit down?

Next question was shoes (another probem, as I can't actually bend down to put them on). The consensus was to find some red ballet shoes, so off I went yesterday to a dancewear store in town. The woman was very polite, but I could see her thinking "what does an overweight, middle-aged woman with feet the size of plates want with ballet shoes?"

Really hoping that I won't look like a very round, very red tomato.

I'm also praying very VERY hard that the zip won't break.