I have just come across the most incredibly moving blog. I have no words. Read.....
http://honeylettingoffsteam.blogspot.com/2009/07/pema-is-born-in-pure-joy.html
PORTSMOUTH (PART 3)
4 days ago
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Desperate measures....
Day 3 of taking diet to desperate extremes.
I've now cut out salad and vodka. That only leaves cigarettes and vitamin pills. (Sudden thought....PANIC....are they sugar-coated???).
This is how I would like to look:
Unfortunately, this is how I will actually look:
I've now cut out salad and vodka. That only leaves cigarettes and vitamin pills. (Sudden thought....PANIC....are they sugar-coated???).
This is how I would like to look:
Unfortunately, this is how I will actually look:
I'm thinking now that a nice discreet beige might have been a better choice of colour (may disappear when stood in front of the marquee?), or even something in a camoflage style print (stand very still and pretend to be part of a large plant arrangement?). .....
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Big red tomato
I've finally made a decision on what to wear to the wedding next Friday. This is after buying at least 8 dresses and changing my mind constantly over the last few weeks. So difficult. And made more difficult because Arty Girl, Canary and friends are all tiny weeny petite size zero things, and I'm currently the size of a small bungalow. Plus, Bald Bloke will be there and I really need to live down the maxi dress nipple exposing episode.
Anyway, this is the dress. I finally got up my nerve to try it on after a week's diet consisting solely of salad, vodka and cigarettes (and copious vitamin/mineral supplements - important to be healthy) . Even so, it needed the combined efforts of AG and Canary to get the zip up, and I can barely breathe or move. God knows how I'm going to get into the taxi to get there. What I really need is one of those disabled vans that is super tall, or a pope-mobile type arrangement, then I won't need to sit down?
Next question was shoes (another probem, as I can't actually bend down to put them on). The consensus was to find some red ballet shoes, so off I went yesterday to a dancewear store in town. The woman was very polite, but I could see her thinking "what does an overweight, middle-aged woman with feet the size of plates want with ballet shoes?"
Really hoping that I won't look like a very round, very red tomato.
I'm also praying very VERY hard that the zip won't break.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Seagull and the Canary
Had to share this - a recent Quote Book classic after a few weeks drought.....
The Canary had had her feathers ruffled. Her BF, with the complete disregard of consequences only exhibited by the male species, had suggested that her longstanding (dancer-related) hip problem might be caused by the "funny way you walk".
Canary wailed "but I walk properly, all the way THROUGH my feet, from my heel to the ball and toe. I ARTICULATE my walk. I WALK PROPERLY!"
BMFs thoughts on this?
"It's the Canary and the Seagull. The Canary articulates its walk through its feet. The Seagull walks flatfooted. You therefore compensate for your Canary nature by taking on the Seagull."
I got the following text from her when she got back home:
"Back safely and in bed. Had problems getting the leg braces off though."
The Canary had had her feathers ruffled. Her BF, with the complete disregard of consequences only exhibited by the male species, had suggested that her longstanding (dancer-related) hip problem might be caused by the "funny way you walk".
Canary wailed "but I walk properly, all the way THROUGH my feet, from my heel to the ball and toe. I ARTICULATE my walk. I WALK PROPERLY!"
BMFs thoughts on this?
"It's the Canary and the Seagull. The Canary articulates its walk through its feet. The Seagull walks flatfooted. You therefore compensate for your Canary nature by taking on the Seagull."
I got the following text from her when she got back home:
"Back safely and in bed. Had problems getting the leg braces off though."
Bru....NO!!!
During my long search for a potential sperm donor on a website where donors post pictures and a short biog, I have deliberated long and hard when trying to decide upon a potential biological father. After viewing hundreds of profiles, and meeting a few shortlisted potentials, I haven't yet been able to find a suitable donor: "too short", "too creepy", "looks like a paedophile", "says he has abnormal sperm", "is using site to find a girlfriend", "lives in Russia", "wants to create a master race". That kind of thing.
But I did finally come up with a final decision on the name I'd like for a boy.
"Bruno".
It's not that common, it's nice and manly, it doesn't sound too ridiculous on a 2yr old, it doesn't rule out a significant number of career options in the future (working equally well for a doctor or a builder), and I've never met anyone with this name that might give me pause for thought.
I really like it. Or so I thought.....
BMF has just shown me a clip on YouTube of Sacha Baron Cohens new character. Have a look at this link. If I wasn't so devastated, it would be very funny.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpjFPOKx90w
But I did finally come up with a final decision on the name I'd like for a boy.
"Bruno".
It's not that common, it's nice and manly, it doesn't sound too ridiculous on a 2yr old, it doesn't rule out a significant number of career options in the future (working equally well for a doctor or a builder), and I've never met anyone with this name that might give me pause for thought.
I really like it. Or so I thought.....
BMF has just shown me a clip on YouTube of Sacha Baron Cohens new character. Have a look at this link. If I wasn't so devastated, it would be very funny.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpjFPOKx90w
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Cider and sympathy
I saw Bald Bloke last Sunday - the first time in quite a few months.
Arty Couple were relaxing in my garden and we got around to discussing my wonky garden gate. Someone tried to break in a couple of years ago but it's just one of those jobs that I put off, whinge about every so often, and then do nothing about. Though I have managed a "temporary" solution involving a wooden spoon to hold the gate together and an obstacle course along the garden path. (I suspect any burglar would probably step around this fairly niftily, but it has been a very useful early warning system when friends drop by unexpectedly and I'm sunbathing in my knickers - not a pretty sight.)
Anyway, by coincidence Bald Bloke phoned Arty couple's mobile as we were sitting and discussing the gate, and they suggested to him he might want to fix it as he's not busy at the moment (BB being a builder). The next thing I knew he had decided to drop by and take a look. Unfortunately, after a few hours in the sun I was looking decidedly cack, with hair a frizzy matted mess and my face covered in a greasy film of sweat and factor 50 water resistant sun lotion (the type that is so thick and white it gives your skin a bluish hue when applied). I also had a maxi dress on that was doing exactly that for my figure (ie making me look maxi). This look was completed when I trod on the hem on getting up to say hello, and exposed most of my right boob; white bits, nipple hair and all. Not exactly how you want to look when an Ex turns up.
So he took a look at the gate, and did a bit of builder-like prodding and shaking of broken bits and posts, then we all sat in the sun drinking cider. After a while Arty Couple left, and it got a little stilted and awkward, and I started telling BB all sorts of inconsequential and boring stuff to help fill the silence. Then I made the faux-pax of asking about his best friend, and it all started coming out. At one point his eyes were welling up, and I thought "you poor poor man". He seemed so sad and subdued. His dreams have been disillusioned, his friends are lost, and he is resigned to being alone. I just listened mostly - what can you say? At least he still has Arty Girl as a good friend.
On his way out he said "I'll give you a call in the week about that gate, R" and gave me a peck on the cheek.
Needless to say he hasn't called.
Some things at least haven't changed.
Arty Couple were relaxing in my garden and we got around to discussing my wonky garden gate. Someone tried to break in a couple of years ago but it's just one of those jobs that I put off, whinge about every so often, and then do nothing about. Though I have managed a "temporary" solution involving a wooden spoon to hold the gate together and an obstacle course along the garden path. (I suspect any burglar would probably step around this fairly niftily, but it has been a very useful early warning system when friends drop by unexpectedly and I'm sunbathing in my knickers - not a pretty sight.)
Anyway, by coincidence Bald Bloke phoned Arty couple's mobile as we were sitting and discussing the gate, and they suggested to him he might want to fix it as he's not busy at the moment (BB being a builder). The next thing I knew he had decided to drop by and take a look. Unfortunately, after a few hours in the sun I was looking decidedly cack, with hair a frizzy matted mess and my face covered in a greasy film of sweat and factor 50 water resistant sun lotion (the type that is so thick and white it gives your skin a bluish hue when applied). I also had a maxi dress on that was doing exactly that for my figure (ie making me look maxi). This look was completed when I trod on the hem on getting up to say hello, and exposed most of my right boob; white bits, nipple hair and all. Not exactly how you want to look when an Ex turns up.
So he took a look at the gate, and did a bit of builder-like prodding and shaking of broken bits and posts, then we all sat in the sun drinking cider. After a while Arty Couple left, and it got a little stilted and awkward, and I started telling BB all sorts of inconsequential and boring stuff to help fill the silence. Then I made the faux-pax of asking about his best friend, and it all started coming out. At one point his eyes were welling up, and I thought "you poor poor man". He seemed so sad and subdued. His dreams have been disillusioned, his friends are lost, and he is resigned to being alone. I just listened mostly - what can you say? At least he still has Arty Girl as a good friend.
On his way out he said "I'll give you a call in the week about that gate, R" and gave me a peck on the cheek.
Needless to say he hasn't called.
Some things at least haven't changed.
Funny Thursday
Another truly awful joke going round the IM system at work:
"Sadly the UKs only dating agency for chickens had to close today due to the recession.
They couldn't make hens meet."
"Sadly the UKs only dating agency for chickens had to close today due to the recession.
They couldn't make hens meet."
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wheeeee!!! (Oh bugger)
I've just realised that I'm hurtling headlong into the murky depths of middleage at something close to the speed of light. Not too sure when I took that first foolish step off the diving board, but evidence is mounting that it may have been some time ago.
1. I obsess about and fuss over my cats far far FAR too much.
2. I last went clubbing 2 years ago.
3. I no longer WANT to go clubbing (very bad sign)
4. Last night (a Friday), BMF asked if I felt like going out. I replied "No thanks, I fancy an early night curling up with a good book".
5. I worry about getting an early night on worknights.
6. I love cooking and would far rather have friends round for dinner than go out.
7. I've always gone for the older man, but have now realised this means they would be worryingly close to collecting their bus pass.
8. When I meet new men I often think to myself "God, they are SOooo middle-aged". Then I realise they are about the same age as me and start thinking about something else very quickly.
9. Many of my friends who left getting married pretty late, have now been married for years and have several children.
10. Other friends have grown up children.
11. I refer to my team at work as "the children"
12. I enjoy listening to Classic FM and Magic radio
13. I've started enjoying gardening.
14. Shopping trips for new clothes are now more likely to end up at Cath Kidston (Glamorous Mother: "No thanks darling, I won't borrow that. It looks like something my grandmother used to wear.")
There is some hope still though.
1. I don't believe in comfortable shoes. If they're not high enough to cause a serious injury when I fall over then they're not for me.
2. ......
Nope. Thats all I can think of.
Help!!!!!!!!!
1. I obsess about and fuss over my cats far far FAR too much.
2. I last went clubbing 2 years ago.
3. I no longer WANT to go clubbing (very bad sign)
4. Last night (a Friday), BMF asked if I felt like going out. I replied "No thanks, I fancy an early night curling up with a good book".
5. I worry about getting an early night on worknights.
6. I love cooking and would far rather have friends round for dinner than go out.
7. I've always gone for the older man, but have now realised this means they would be worryingly close to collecting their bus pass.
8. When I meet new men I often think to myself "God, they are SOooo middle-aged". Then I realise they are about the same age as me and start thinking about something else very quickly.
9. Many of my friends who left getting married pretty late, have now been married for years and have several children.
10. Other friends have grown up children.
11. I refer to my team at work as "the children"
12. I enjoy listening to Classic FM and Magic radio
13. I've started enjoying gardening.
14. Shopping trips for new clothes are now more likely to end up at Cath Kidston (Glamorous Mother: "No thanks darling, I won't borrow that. It looks like something my grandmother used to wear.")
There is some hope still though.
1. I don't believe in comfortable shoes. If they're not high enough to cause a serious injury when I fall over then they're not for me.
2. ......
Nope. Thats all I can think of.
Help!!!!!!!!!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Amused or frustrated? A bit of both....
An article I just saw on the BBC News website made me smile.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/8143364.stm
Apparently, a study to measure levels of activity has been foiled by some creative pre-teens. They were given pedometers to measure how much walking and running they do over the period of a week. Researchers were puzzled by the very high levels of activity seen in many of the children, especially so in those that were, ahem, a little chunky. Until they realised that these "hyperactive" kids had actually been attaching the pedometers to their pet dogs (presumably walked by mum or dad).......
I've worked in research for several years, as well as having been a nurse many years ago, and am no longer surprised by what some patients will do. Part of me is secretly amused by their attempts to buck the system (a British trait I think), but it can be pretty frustrating when you're trying to get real answers to important questions! When I was working with a sleep clinic a few years ago I remember hearing a similar story
It was in a study on truck drivers to identify if they were having "micro-dozes" while driving. This is probably not that uncommon as it is a symptom of Sleep Apnoea at night, and SA patients are typically big guys with thick necks and a bit of a belly who like a beer or two. Longterm, SA can result in serious health problems, but there is the more immediate risk of unintentionally "micro-dozing" during the day and causing an accident if doing anything with machines/cars/lorries. (Does your bloke do that thing where he snores heavily then stops breathing for a bit? See a GP). They are also driving very long distances on very long, very straight motorways, for very long periods of time. Understandably, some of these guys were very worried about both losing their licences and livelihood, so attached their monitors to pets in the cab. I heard of one that used a hamster.....
Maybe these are the fathers of the kids in the activity study?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/8143364.stm
Apparently, a study to measure levels of activity has been foiled by some creative pre-teens. They were given pedometers to measure how much walking and running they do over the period of a week. Researchers were puzzled by the very high levels of activity seen in many of the children, especially so in those that were, ahem, a little chunky. Until they realised that these "hyperactive" kids had actually been attaching the pedometers to their pet dogs (presumably walked by mum or dad).......
I've worked in research for several years, as well as having been a nurse many years ago, and am no longer surprised by what some patients will do. Part of me is secretly amused by their attempts to buck the system (a British trait I think), but it can be pretty frustrating when you're trying to get real answers to important questions! When I was working with a sleep clinic a few years ago I remember hearing a similar story
It was in a study on truck drivers to identify if they were having "micro-dozes" while driving. This is probably not that uncommon as it is a symptom of Sleep Apnoea at night, and SA patients are typically big guys with thick necks and a bit of a belly who like a beer or two. Longterm, SA can result in serious health problems, but there is the more immediate risk of unintentionally "micro-dozing" during the day and causing an accident if doing anything with machines/cars/lorries. (Does your bloke do that thing where he snores heavily then stops breathing for a bit? See a GP). They are also driving very long distances on very long, very straight motorways, for very long periods of time. Understandably, some of these guys were very worried about both losing their licences and livelihood, so attached their monitors to pets in the cab. I heard of one that used a hamster.....
Maybe these are the fathers of the kids in the activity study?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Me again...
Well I've been very lax at updating my blog. The trouble seems to be I either have nothing very interesting happening and don't want to blog along the lines of..."well I got up this morning, went to work, came home, watched a bit of telly, went to bed...". Or there is so much going on I don't have time to write and then when I do find I've forgotton half of what I've done (though that could be the vodka tonics). Plus I keep finding these amazing blogs by people with interesting lives or real problems and I wonder what I'm doing blogging at all.
So apologies if this is a bit long, rambling and mundane...ZZzzz....
Recent Blonde Moment news is from my week on holiday with Arty Couple at their relatives villa in Spain. Absolutely bloody gorgeous. I was a bit apprehensive beforehand, because though I've spent many a day and evening with them, and count them as very close friends, it's potentially rather different to spend a whole week with a couple (as a single), especially when they're soon-to-be-married. However, completely needless worrying. We had the most relaxing and lovely time, chatting, sunbathing by the pool, looking round run-down properties for their next project, lying on the beach with not an English tourist in sight.....
Also had a very entertaining girls night out that ended up at the only English bar in the town, complete with local "Handbags", and a bar owner bearing an uncanny resemblence to Mick Hucknall (XXXL size) who serenaded us all night with some pretty dodgy "luuurve" songs of the pub variety. Priceless. Plus an eighty yr old ex-pat with a twinkle in his eye, who had recently joined friends re-united dating, and was expecting a couple of ladies to join him at his villa shortly. He thought MH was great. "Just think - I get it 4 nights a week! Every week!". Looking back, I'm not entirely sure if he was referring to MH's vocals or the two ladies he was expecting..... The high point though was when Arty Girl got up to dance (she dances very well, and fairly suggestively). The Handbags did not appreciate this competition one bit. After some employing some "interesting" tactics to realign male attention (one bizarrely started doing plie's, another attempted the splits) they left the dance floor with very grim expressions.
The Michael Jackson moment was strange. We kept hearing his name on Spanish radio but didn't realise what had happened. Driving home from the beach, an obituary came on an English local station. Not really listening, then thinking we had misheard or it was a play....then realisation. Arty Girl cried. I don't think we'll ever know the truth about the child abuse accusations, but I wonder if it was a case of naivity and not understanding "normal" boundaries that was exploited and embroidered by people with dollar signs in their eyes. Who knows. But what is certain is that his life was pretty tragic, and he leaves behind three children that obviously worshipped him and will grow up with the legacy of his history (bad and good).
So back home to more sunshine, and few days chilling out in the garden before returning to work. Lovely. However........it turned out that I'm minus Cat One. He had gone missing the evening after I left, and I think BMF was hoping he'd turn up with no-one the wiser, so he left it 5 days before calling Lovely Upstairs Neighbour and Canary for advice. LUN had a few stern words at leaving it that long before telling him exactly what to do (bless!). Eventually it turned out he had been taken in by an elderly lady a few streets away (worryingly the other side of the very busy road where he was run over a year ago). BMF asked her if she could continue to look after him until I returned - I think he couldn't take the responsibility any more knowing how precious I am about the cats. Though seriously, how difficult is it? Feed them twice a day, give them a bit of fuss and a few tummy rubs, that's it. I've never had a problem leaving for hols with sitters before (thanks LUN and Canary). Anyway, I knew nothing of this until I was waiting for the train back from Gatwick and got a call from BMF on my mobile - the ensuing hysterics were probably heard for several miles. But as a result of the temporary rehoming, I now have a cat that keeps going AWOL, is completely confused about where home is, and to cap it off has suspected pancreatitis from being given cheap cat food. The vet has prescribed fresh fish daily, some pills, blood tests, keeping him indoors for a couple of weeks (which also means Cat Two) and Feliway diffusers (cat pheromone scent - ie pretty much cat heroin). So I also have a very big vet and (cat) food bill and a garden room that smells of cat litter.
Think I'll book the cattery next time!
**************************************************
PS re the last blog - BMF was absolutely lovely and understanding. He's staying for another 4 months and will use the time to pick up his finances and find somewhere else to stay. We're stiil good friends. Phew!
**************************************************
PPS Bugger. Cat One escaped and has gone AWOL again. Even microwaving and wafting premium cod fillet has not done the trick. Looks like I'll have to cancel the follow up vets appointment tomorrow morning.
So apologies if this is a bit long, rambling and mundane...ZZzzz....
Recent Blonde Moment news is from my week on holiday with Arty Couple at their relatives villa in Spain. Absolutely bloody gorgeous. I was a bit apprehensive beforehand, because though I've spent many a day and evening with them, and count them as very close friends, it's potentially rather different to spend a whole week with a couple (as a single), especially when they're soon-to-be-married. However, completely needless worrying. We had the most relaxing and lovely time, chatting, sunbathing by the pool, looking round run-down properties for their next project, lying on the beach with not an English tourist in sight.....
Also had a very entertaining girls night out that ended up at the only English bar in the town, complete with local "Handbags", and a bar owner bearing an uncanny resemblence to Mick Hucknall (XXXL size) who serenaded us all night with some pretty dodgy "luuurve" songs of the pub variety. Priceless. Plus an eighty yr old ex-pat with a twinkle in his eye, who had recently joined friends re-united dating, and was expecting a couple of ladies to join him at his villa shortly. He thought MH was great. "Just think - I get it 4 nights a week! Every week!". Looking back, I'm not entirely sure if he was referring to MH's vocals or the two ladies he was expecting..... The high point though was when Arty Girl got up to dance (she dances very well, and fairly suggestively). The Handbags did not appreciate this competition one bit. After some employing some "interesting" tactics to realign male attention (one bizarrely started doing plie's, another attempted the splits) they left the dance floor with very grim expressions.
The Michael Jackson moment was strange. We kept hearing his name on Spanish radio but didn't realise what had happened. Driving home from the beach, an obituary came on an English local station. Not really listening, then thinking we had misheard or it was a play....then realisation. Arty Girl cried. I don't think we'll ever know the truth about the child abuse accusations, but I wonder if it was a case of naivity and not understanding "normal" boundaries that was exploited and embroidered by people with dollar signs in their eyes. Who knows. But what is certain is that his life was pretty tragic, and he leaves behind three children that obviously worshipped him and will grow up with the legacy of his history (bad and good).
So back home to more sunshine, and few days chilling out in the garden before returning to work. Lovely. However........it turned out that I'm minus Cat One. He had gone missing the evening after I left, and I think BMF was hoping he'd turn up with no-one the wiser, so he left it 5 days before calling Lovely Upstairs Neighbour and Canary for advice. LUN had a few stern words at leaving it that long before telling him exactly what to do (bless!). Eventually it turned out he had been taken in by an elderly lady a few streets away (worryingly the other side of the very busy road where he was run over a year ago). BMF asked her if she could continue to look after him until I returned - I think he couldn't take the responsibility any more knowing how precious I am about the cats. Though seriously, how difficult is it? Feed them twice a day, give them a bit of fuss and a few tummy rubs, that's it. I've never had a problem leaving for hols with sitters before (thanks LUN and Canary). Anyway, I knew nothing of this until I was waiting for the train back from Gatwick and got a call from BMF on my mobile - the ensuing hysterics were probably heard for several miles. But as a result of the temporary rehoming, I now have a cat that keeps going AWOL, is completely confused about where home is, and to cap it off has suspected pancreatitis from being given cheap cat food. The vet has prescribed fresh fish daily, some pills, blood tests, keeping him indoors for a couple of weeks (which also means Cat Two) and Feliway diffusers (cat pheromone scent - ie pretty much cat heroin). So I also have a very big vet and (cat) food bill and a garden room that smells of cat litter.
Think I'll book the cattery next time!
**************************************************
PS re the last blog - BMF was absolutely lovely and understanding. He's staying for another 4 months and will use the time to pick up his finances and find somewhere else to stay. We're stiil good friends. Phew!
**************************************************
PPS Bugger. Cat One escaped and has gone AWOL again. Even microwaving and wafting premium cod fillet has not done the trick. Looks like I'll have to cancel the follow up vets appointment tomorrow morning.
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